Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Church boner. Awkwardddd
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize