I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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