I just pynch a tree in the face
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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