i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize