So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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