He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
