Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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