It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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