the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
