happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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