So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
