I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
