Did you just see the Batmobile???
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
