Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
