Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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