Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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