Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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