Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
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