Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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