Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
