Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
