I wish I could teleport
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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