Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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