watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
His nipple licking is glorious
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