I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So apparently I’m into choking now
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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