i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
