TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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