Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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