I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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