i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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