Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
