I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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