Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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