he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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