Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I need to calm my uterus...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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