I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
