last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
