i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
