you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
