I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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