i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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