I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
