I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
