Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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