Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
