peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
