so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize