Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Are my feet made of real feet?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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