I just made out with a guy for $7.
I skipped work to stalk him.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
