I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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