if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
