Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
