I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize