Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
