I just pynch a tree in the face
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
