I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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