apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
