Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
