Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
