The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
