guys are not supposed to queef...right?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
