a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize