I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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