Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
