you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
