My room smells like vodka and shame
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
how does that bad decision feel?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize