She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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