You're my little dorito
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
