I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
