it hurts more in the daytime
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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