It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
