Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
