Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Two words: blizzard sex
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
