You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
