is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
