I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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