yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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