it wasn't lemon gatorade
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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