Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
