so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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