that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize