He disabled his match.com account in front of me
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
