Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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