Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
