I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
