Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
either way he was missing a nipple.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
