Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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