Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
