Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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