Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
