I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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