woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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