im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
